Loving Yourself as a Black Woman


“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” – Audre Lorde


woman sitting on sofa bed wearing sunglasses
Photo by Godisable Jacob on Pexels.com

Black women we are often portrayed as being unworthy of love.  This is a message we get in media and also larger society.  It’s difficult to not internalize the words of others and believe that you are worthy of love like everyone else.  I’ve struggled with my self esteem and have felt that I wasn’t as pretty or smart as other people however I was lucky to be praised often in my home and that protected me from a larger society where I was always led to think I wouldn’t be the one who was chosen and considered beautiful. When a woman turns on the television or opens a magazine and does not see herself represented or only represented in a negative way, it can leave her feeling like she isn’t beautiful, or maybe she just isn’t worth loving.

A first step to achieving self-love is to acknowledge and list all of the things you love about yourself.  We often spend so much time being critical of ourselves that we forget that there are things that we love about ourselves.  It can be helpful to write a list of things that you love about yourself, and create a list of all of the Black women in your life that inspire you.

Another step is to educate yourself on the Black women who inspire you and/or have changed the course of history.  Remember there are some amazing Black women who have been trailblazers in history. Another step  s is to create goals for yourself and work on achieving those goals.   Remember you deserve success just as much as anyone else.


Finally  it is important to find a space, and create platforms dedicated to you.  This is why it’s important to have spaces dedicated to the upliftment of Black women.   Remember we’re our sister’s keeper.

portrait photo of woman
Photo by Godisable Jacob on Pexels.com


Loving Yourself as a Black Woman

pexels-photo-897002.jpegValentine’s Day is around the corner and if you’re not in a relationship sometimes seeing all those people in love can be annoying.  However it’s  important to  remind yourself that you are loved and wanted on a daily basis.  Remember whether you’ve been single for a while or recently ended a relationship, it’s important not to focus on the fact that you don’t have a significant other. Instead, focus on the fact that you don’t need a   significant other in order to feel loved.


We often have the  idea of “loving” as the image of someone else loving us. Someone else doing things for us, kissing us or taking us places. We often try to find someone to make us feel good.  However  looking outside of ourselves  for love is a big obstacle to self-love. When you rely on other people to make  you feel worthy, there is no place where you can access that feeling of importance from within yourself.



Many women like to fill their nights with friends and parties when they’re single, for various reasons. Some people just really like to go out and socialize, but others are more interested in filling the void so that they don’t have to be alone. There’s the assumption that if you’re home alone on Saturday night, you’re lonely and would rather be on a date. I know it can feel lonely to not to have weekend plans, but part of being in love with yourself is enjoying your own company.   Let go of the idea that you need to “be social” every weekend.  Set aside some time to be alone and rediscover all the things that make you fabulous.



Don’t wait until you find someone  who will show up at your door with long-stemmed roses.  The presence of living, breathing plants can be a constant reminder that even though you don’t have a partner, you still have a life.


Cooking for one can be challenging.  Even though you’re only cooking for yourself, try to cook a really good meal once or twice per week.   Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to order out all the time. Buy some groceries and prepare meals for yourself on a regular basis. It’s much healthier and easier on your wallet.


Don’t miss out on a great meal or  a good movie just because you don’t have a date to take you out. When you commit to taking yourself out on dates periodically, it reminds you that you don’t need a plus one to have fun.


Sign up for a class like poetry writing, pastry baking, pottery or whatever interests you.  This can be fun and will help you to create something meaningful to you.

Remember as RuPaul says “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else”.  Can I get an Amen!!!