Tag: relationships

How to Keep Love Alive

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It is often said that long-term relationships eventually  become flat and boring. Many people believe this  and expect this to occur to them. When they experience moments in which feelings of desire, or sexual excitement are not as  stimulating as before,  they assume that the flame has gone out and that the future is bleak and uninspiring.   It’s  impossible to prevent stale moments from  occasionally occurring,  however it is possible to strengthen the  relationship to minimize their impact and diminish their frequency.   You’re probably thinking, there’s a catch but there isn’t one, keeping your relationship fresh, passionate, and exciting—whether you’re 20 or 90—just requires putting more fun and passion in your life.

Try some of these tips to keep passion in your relationship:

  1. Identify which person can help deepen intimacy.In most relationships, there is one partner who places a higher value than the other on romance.   Since this person is more likely to notice when the romance is fading,  they have  more power to introduce corrections to foster more closeness and playfulness. They are not solely responsibility for keeping an eye on things, but because of their awareness, they are more capable of influencing the depth of your connection.
  2. Keep dating each other. Leaving the home provides a change of scenery and enlivens things for both partners.  Staying home for a date can be fun, too.  Try to make dates a regular part of your relationship.
  3. Unplug. Designate a time for when you will  create a tech-free zone which will assure you that there will be no interruptions.
  4. Dance in private. After dinner you can listen to music together, and then dance. If you’d prefer privacy, try dancing with your partner in your own living room or bedroom.
  5. Give each other massages. Massage is another great way to keep romance alive. You don’t need a massage table or fancy scented oils—and you don’t have to be a professionally-trained masseuse.
  6. Hide love notes for your partner to find. Love notes stuck in books, under plates and pillows, and in the  drawer will  draw smiles of appreciation.
  7. Speak the language of love to each other. Last, but not least, is the way lovers talk romantic talk. It needs to be sincere, intimate, and full of feeling from the heart.

    Taking the time to be with each other will do .wonders to rekindle the spark in your relationship.  Remember to have fun and enjoy new things that will bring increased happiness and wellbeing to you and your partner.

When a Friendship Ends

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Just like other relationships, the ending of a friendship can be very difficult.  Some friendships end naturally and others  end prematurely and abruptly.  It can be very painful when a friendship ends abruptly and you don’t understand what caused it to end.   If you don’t know why it ended,  you may  spend a lot of time wondering what happened and grieving the loss of your friend.

Tips on What to Do When a Friendship Is Over:

When a friendship is over, sometimes it helps to review the relationship.   Perhaps you remember your friend complaining that you’re always late, maybe you rarely return their phone calls. Maybe one of you was always asking for help but rarely returned the favor.
When a friend ends your relationship, it is a good idea to try to uncover the reasons the friendship is over.
Some people are better able to express feelings in writing rather than talking. It may  be helpful  to write your friend a note where you can express your feelings about the friendship.

It’s helpful to express your feelings of hurt, anger, or rejection. Write or talk about how you feel in a journal or letter – something you don’t necessarily plan to send. You can send the letter, throw it away or keep it. What’s most important is that you were able to write down your feelings.
If you wish to reestablish your friendship in the future, you can keep the doors of communication open by sending holiday or birthday cards or tell mutual friends to say hello for you.
When a friendship is over, don’t give up until you’re ready.

What not to do When a friendship is over:

Don’t be disrespectful of your friend by gossiping or complaining to mutual friends. When a friendship is over, you have to let it go.

Don’t burn all bridges – The ending of a friendship may only be temporary and you may want to reach out to your friend in the future.

Don’t push for communication When a friendship is over, sometimes you have to let it be over.

Your Relationship After Infidelity

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pexels-photo-984949.jpegIt seems as if everyday another public official comes forward and announces that he or she  is having some type of affair. Infidelity can take on different forms, there are emotional affairs, physical affairs as well as when a partner spends much of their time talking about sexually explicit behavior with someone whom they meet on the internet even if they have not physically met. Every time the media gives attention to the topic of infidelity and cheating, many couples internally ask the question of how they would cope with the  situation.

Marriage Can Survive Infidelity

It is possible for a marriage to survive infidelity however it won’t be easy and there will be many different emotions as well as hurt feelings.
There will probably be anger, tears, and depression. It will take time to heal. In order for the relationship to heal there has to be a decision to trust again.

The person who had the affair will need to take responsibility and not blame his/her spouse for the affair. Both spouses will need to be committed to save their relationship. It is very important to have open communication with your partner and discuss your feelings about what happened. Marriage counseling will be helpful in helping you to heal from the pain of the affair. A relationship can only survive if both partners are willing to acquire and use the communication skills necessary to making their marriage successful.

Feelings Often Surrounding  Infidelity

Some feelings that are prominent when a couple experiences cheating  include:
Shame
Guilt
Blame
Anger
Hurt
Disappointment
Rage
Embarrassment
Forgiveness
Jealousy
Resentment
Denial
Mis-trust

Some Relationships Should Not Be Saved

It is possible for your relationship to survive this onslaught of feelings. However, some relationships  are not meant to be saved.
If the infidelity is one of many symptoms of domestic and/or emotional abuse in your relationship, or if your spouse is a serial cheater, it may be time to end the relationship.

Dating and Depression

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People suffer from depression for many  reasons. From a horrible break up to hitting a rough patch in life, depression can hit at any time, and for many people it’s a condition they have to cope with every day and often need medication and /or therapy to help them.   If you are dealing with depression, you may feel you don’t want to date and feel that no one wants to date you however if you want to date, there is no reason you can’t even with depression.

When it comes to depression and dating, the most important person is you. You need to remember to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally before you start dating.   Try to  keep in touch with friends who are going through the dating scene with you. Having a support system during dating is very important.   Being around others who are going through similar experiences is often very helpful as you navigate the dating world.  Depression and the challenges that it brings can often be  random, one day you might feel great and the next day you might feel sad.  It’s ok to cancel your plans if you don’t feel up to going out on a date.

When you decide to be part of the dating world, it’s even more important that you’re able to accept your depression and take it for what it is. Just because you have a mental health issue doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to have fun and happiness.  Suffering from depression, as with any mental health issues, is a personal thing, there is no need to disclose this to your date when you first meet each other.  However, if you’ve been dating for awhile now and things are getting serious, you should tell your partner.  If the person chooses to break up with you because of your depression, they are not the person for you.     Once you’ve told your partner that you suffer from depression, they may have many questions.  You don’t have to answer every question, answer what you feel comfortable talking about with them.

Dating while having depression can be difficult but not impossible.  Also remember that if you choose to not date that’s ok too.

 

When You Dislike Your Partner’s Parents

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When we commit to someone,  we are  usually not only agreeing to commit to them, but to what and who they bring with them.   Family members are  usually part of what a partner brings to a committed, long-term relationship.   Unfortunately although we can choose our partner, we can’t choose their family.

Building a relationship with a long-term partner’s family can be difficult for all involved. Everyone involved is adjusting:  parents are trying to adjust to a new relationship dynamic with their child and build a relationship with their child’s partner. The couple is establishing and strengthening their own relationship and making their own life choices. If these choices conflict with what the parents wanted  for their child, the parents may see  this as a rejection.  Parents who miss their child and want to have more of a relationship may seem pushy or over-involved to the child’s partner.   There are also many other reasons that can  complicate this  relationship.

In my experience as a therapist, strained relationships with a partner’s family members is very common.   If you find building a relationship with your partner’s parents to be challenging, or if you just don’t like your partner’s parents, the following tips and considerations may be helpful for you:

  • Discuss the level of involvement you would like to have with your partner’s family.  Do you want to see them every week or only on holidays.   If you choose to have children, what type of involvement should they have with them? If you and your partner disagree, you can talk through the reasons and try to reach a compromise.
  • Work on building a positive relationship and focusing on the good. It can be hard to relate to someone if you don’t know them well. Try to have more shared experiences and plan activities together. Try seeking advice on small things, like which tablecloth is best or what dishes to use at a celebration.
  • This is a long-term relationship, so it is likely worth investing in. In most areas of life, it’s fairly easy to minimize contact with people we don’t like. However, in a marriage or other committed partnership, it may be worth trying to reach common ground.
  • Not all events have to include all the members of the family. If it remains difficult—for whatever reason—for you to enjoy or even handle seeing certain members of the family, try instead to create (or allow) opportunities for them to see your partner or their grandchildren.
  • Don’t force your partner or children to cut off their relationships. You may dislike your partner’s parents. But allowing your children to spend time with their grandparents may really benefit them (and their grandparents). Preventing your children from building this relationship can be a huge loss (unless you have reason to believe they are in danger). And if your partner wishes to spend more time with their parents (with or without you) and you prevent them from doing so, conflict and resentment often will take place.
  • Set boundaries. Doing this early on in your relationship is likely to make the adjustment easier for everyone involved. Assuring your partner’s parents they are an important part of the family may help them agree more easily to the boundaries you set without feeling as if you have cut them off.
  • Communicate clearly. If you usually only  communicate with your partner’s family through your partner but find things often become muddled, try speaking directly to them instead. This can  help prevent miscommunication and misunderstanding and will keep your partner from being caught in the middle.

Dealing with your partner’s parents is often  one of the most challenging parts of your relationship, but if possible try to make your interactions with them as pleasant as possible.